The Wit and Wisdom of Dietmar Breitkreuz
Dietmar Breitkreuz, (FEP grad 1975) and former instructor at the Field Engineering Development Center (FEDC) is credited with many witicisms. Before Dietmar, there came such notable wordsmiths as Casey Stengel and Yogi Berra.
Casey was famed for asking his New York Mets baseball team, “Can’t none of you guys play this game?” Casey once testified before the US Congress. He babbled on so long with run-on sentences that no one could understand what he was saying. Later, also asked to comment, Mickey Mantle said: "I agree with what Casey said." The crowd roared.
Yogi had many famous expressions attributed to him, for instance “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Another Yogi-ism, "Nobody eats at that restaurant anymore. It's too busy."
Here are a few choice Dietmarisms:
After perusing a tool sale at the Holiday Inn convention center in Schenectady, Dietmar remarked to Dave Lucier: “There ain't nothing here that I don’t need.”
While in a movie theater, Dave & Sheelah Lucier heard the following in the film when one of the “bad guys” who had kidnapped some people remark: “Don't none of you people go nowhere.”
Dave & Sheelah immediately looked at each other and simultaneously said: Dietmar.
Funny Without Trying
Driving to an air show at the Schenectady airport, Dietmar had a remark for all the patrons sitting on their front lawns awaiting the show featuring such notable acts as the Blue Angels: “Look at all those novelist pilots.” Someone in the car remarked that the word must be novice. None of the sky watchers were likely to be fiction writers.
When signing a business letter, Dietmar was known to write in closing:
Sinceriously yours, Dietmar Yes, he was sincerely serious.
Asked why he collected small bottles of shampoo, hand soap, etc. from hotel rooms and arranged them neatly on the counter of his bathroom at home, Dietmar remarked: “I do it for the cosmetic look.”
Once upon a time, Dietmar and his lovely wife, Cindy, threw a cross-country ski party at their home on the mountain in Princetown. They served snacks and dips. During the party, Dietmar asked Dave Lucier’s stepdaughter, Jessica: “How is that Guatemala dip?” She had a puzzled look until Cindy explained that Dietmar meant guacamole.
When someone is required to do something, Dietmar would say it is “demandatory*.”
Supposibly, bidness and gubment. We hear these words a lot. Some of us would say: “Supposedly, there is nothing good that comes from business or government!”
Funny Stories about Dietmar
A neighbor of Dietmar (call him Rich) decided one day that he wanted an aged tree in his yard dropped. Dietmar volunteered to do it for him. The tree was about 8 inches in diameter so, of course, Dietmar brought over his mega-chainsaw, a 24-inch monster. The tree was leaning toward **Rich’s** next door neighbor’s wooden fence, so we decided to tie a rope to the tree and pull it away as Dietmar was cutting. It appeared no one was home at the neighbor’s house that Sunday. Dietmar fired up the chainsaw as Rich and Dave Lucier pulled on the tree. As bad luck would have it, the tree rotated slightly as cracked and fell to the ground. It not only hit the fence but a large branch grazed the back of the house. Everyone gasped! What seemed like an eternity, though I’m sure less than a minute passed, the neighbor came out the back door with a quizzical look on his face. Rich shrugged and apologized. Dietmar, pleased to be finally using his chainsaw again, kept cutting as if nothing had happened. Sounds like an episode on Tool Time with Tim (The Toolman) Taylor.
Dietmar likes to have things and own things. He once owned a home situated on a 2-acre piece of property in Half Moon, NY. He decided to clear a piece of the forested land to put in a tennis court. Dave Lucier asked, “Do you play tennis?” “No,” he replied. “So why do you want a tennis court?” Dave returned. “It would be good to have,” Dietmar said. He wasn’t even thinking of learning the sport.
One summer evening, Dave Lucier came to see his friend. They usually worked on their Triumph sportscars those nights back in the mid-1980s. When Dave arrived on Vandenburg Lane, the fire trucks were just leaving. It seems Dietmar decided to use gasoline as an accelerant to burn a pile of brush.
OK, a little mistake you say? Well, the problem was the spot where the pile was burning was on his neighbor’s property.
It gets better. The following night, Dave went to the firebugs's house again. As you should have guessed by now, the fire trucks had just left departed. Dietmar had been at it again and the fire department was called when someone in the neighborhood spotted flames and smoke billowing 50 feet to the sky! The volunteer firemen were not happy to be called two nights in a row for the SAME incident. They advised this pyromaniac not to burn any more friggin leaves or brush again.
Dietmar was thinking about “thinning out” the scrub brush and trees from his land. He mentioned it to his friend, Terry Hutson (FEP grad 1975). During the conversation, Terry mentioned he had a weed wacker. Dietmar was elated. He asked if he could borrow it and Terry agreed. Dietmar was so pleased and he went on and on about how great this would be to clear the property. After a while (and about a half-dozen beers), he asked if it was gasoline powered or electric. Terry said, “no it’s a machete-like tool.” Dietmar was not pleased. He had visions of clearing the “south forty” with a power tool!
Dave Lucier and Dietmar were “into” British sports cars. Namely, Triumphs. They both owned TR6 roadsters. In reality, at this stage they were mostly rust buckets on wheels. Dietmar decided to photograph the entire disassembly process. He got out his 35 millimeter, single lens reflex camera. A Nikon, of course. He proceeded: front bumper, drink a beer, take a photo. Right-front fender, another beer, click again. Left-front fender, a third brewski, another snapshot. Problem was, there was not film in the camera! One thing is for sure, you can't put rusty fenders back on the car. Joe Byrd (FEP-1977) can attest to this ill-fated attempt at photography.
Dave Lucier once asked Dietmar what he was doing for lunch that day. Dave invisioned a sandwich and a beer down at Stone Lane. Dietmar responded without hessitation: "I going to the dump for lunch." Envisioning his friend eating lunch down at the Clifton Park town dump was too much to bear for Dave.
Last modified Wednesday, Mar-01-2006 01:43 PM