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Lucas, Prince of Darkness

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Joseph Lucas (1834 - 1903) was dubbed the Prince of Darkness. His motto: "A Gentleman does not motor about after dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they do claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

*Lucas was the inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."

If Lucas made guns, wars would never start either. Joseph Lucas unfortunately left a dark legacy, as well as decendents:

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which ever one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; its just that they operate at a random frequency.

Many Lucas problems can be solved by drinking four pints and waiting for the sun to come up.

Submitted by a true Lucas fan, Dave Smith (FEP-1970), although he said he never own a Lucas fan!

Created by admin
Last modified Monday, Jan-24-2005 08:21 AM

More Lucas crapola

Posted by Rob at Monday, Mar-07-2005 12:16 PM
Okay, since we are on a Lucas-bashing exercise in this section, I've got a good one. Dennis Petri, an old friend from my days at Knolls Atomic Power Lab and currently the local AMA area rep, is an old enduro rider from way back. He has run and finished the Gator Enduro more than once. One of his earlier bikes was a BSA Gold Star. This was a 500cc single cylinder thumper that you could use to pull stumps on the off days. This is what Dennis had to say about his old Gold Star while we were on break at the Lab on day.
"The BSA Gold Star was probably one of the best woods bikes anyone ever built. It had plenty of power and would go just about anywhere. The only problem with the bike was if somebody sneezed next to it while it was running, the change in relative humidity would knock out the Lucas electric system."
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